Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
