i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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