This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
