You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
