Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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