her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
