apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
