Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
