I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
