We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
