There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
