We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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