u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
