the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
