Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
