I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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