Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
