Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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