i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
