So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
bring money and cleavage
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
