do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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