SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
