My room smells like vodka and shame
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
