I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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