Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
