two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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