I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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