my phone needs a breathalizer
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
