my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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