There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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