I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
