I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
