I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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