If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
