Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
