I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
