he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
