Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
