when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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