Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
