We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
