nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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