Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
