It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
