fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
