The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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