It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
