What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
