the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He? As in you personified your dick?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
