Only a mothe r could love this liver
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
