are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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