i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
